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An apology to a doctor concerning ADHD.

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I have been mulling many blog topics, so I need to get a few of them out there.  This one seems most important.

Why am I writing this?  Let’s just say that children have a way of making you eat crow.  You eat your hat. You find out even though you thought you’d been humbled since having children, you still might have a long ways to go toward being a less judgemental human being.  You have got to keep your mind open, because sometimes God has another plan, and it’s often not the one you would have chosen At. All.  If this has not happened to you yet, it probably will.  Go with it.

Dear Doctor somewhere in the greater Seattle area, as well as to those who may feel you would NEVER put a child on medication for attention issues or many other things,

I will not identify you, but I will write a public apology after having written this post about how I strongly disagreed that my child needed medication for ADHD.  I was sure we could keep going without medication.  At least I thought I had a few more options to use beforehand.  I used them.  You were right, Doctor.  My child is doing much better on medication and our relationship and his ability to function have all improved.  Here is a link to what I thought before, which has to be modified slightly.  http://wp.me/pQx9m-1o.

We began and finished a year of Vision Therapy, and it did a lot of good.   In fact, it was well worth pursuing, because my husband went to a meeting about it and said, wait a sec, that’s me.  So he decided to go to Vision Therapy, too!  And now he can read for longer periods of time and pay attention.  So that was yet another reason we should be glad we adopted.  Strange paths we travel.

Vision therapy is a lot like occupational therapy with the focus being the eyes.  Both kinds of therapy have lots of naysayers, but the strangest things do help some kids, and are worth trying.  Our son’s math improved greatly after this, but his reading didn’t.  I wish they had referred me further, but they did not.

My next realization came during a very stressful year.  I will not go into gory details, but there was a lot of stress around here, and not a whole lot of money, and I thought maybe it was just the stress of the situation that was making our child act out.  After a while, it was apparent that he was lying and stealing and having tantrums and encouraging a lot of anger in the family.  It was getting downright dangerous, how he could not control himself, and I finally decided to take him back to the counselor we saw when we first adopted him.  This was a very good thing.

Our counselor recommended a few things, and we got a full educational psychology evaluation in the same building.  It would have been expensive to do all this, but we were extremely blessed by the cadillac of insurance plans that particular year, and so we went for it.  I cannot explain this “coincidence” at all.  We always seem to get what we need when we need it most.  Insurance was it this time around.

After the full eval, the psychologist told us it was abundantly clear that he had pretty severe dyslexia and getting more severe ADHD, both of which needed a game plan.  She referred us to yet another professional in the same building, a psychiatrist.  I had, meanwhile, asked my family doctor for a referral to a pediatrician who did meds in her building, but when I met that doctor, I had a feeling he was the type to dispense meds and not really try any harder than that to listen.  My gut said to keep looking, which is how I ended up with the psychiatrist.  I figured he was especially qualified to know about side affects in children and such things, but also still an MD.

We decided to try a medication that is well known, and played with the dosage a bit.  We also found that most of our children sleep better and more quickly if we give them Melatonin, which is a simple over-the-counter supplement.  The immediate affects of the medication became clear.  First of all, he did not lack energy.  It did not turn him into a shadow of his former self or a zombie or anything.  Not at all.  But now he could make some sort of sense out of phonics.  Finally.  He also stopped the non-stop chatter that would just wear a person down.  The ongoing counseling he was going through started to have more of an affect on our relationship because he could actually make the choice to calm down and think.  Before meds, sometimes he needed a time out nearly all day in order to function in our family or learn anything from homeschooling.  I had hated fighting with him so often.  Now we had some tension, but it was possible to overcome it.  Bad side affects:  Well, he’s much less hungry and has lost a little weight.  He also gets a “rebound” affect when it wears off around dinner time, but that’s what the trampoline is for.

I should add that we tried two other things as well.  I went ahead and had the school district test him again, and he qualified for special education in math, reading and speech.  We checked with OT, but some of his physical skills were so good, the OT was amazed and said it probably had more to do with attention than actual skill.  Yeah, he’s pretty awesome at sports and mechanics.  That’s where dyslexia comes in.

In the meantime, I also began medication.  I had no idea I needed it, but irritability and depression are two sides of the same coin, and I could not stop my occasional periods of downright unreasonableness.  I went on meds before our son did.  It helped me not to overreact during an especially trying year.  I miss my more emotional side sometimes, but I like the part where I can now parent without losing it.  It’s worth it, completely.  I am also FAR more patient with my husband.  And I like myself better now that I can parent the way I meant to. I’m not perfect at all, but now my kids and husband aren’t flinching.  Really.  I’ve tried two different kinds because my baby reacted to one in my breast milk, and was thrilled to go back when I was done nursing.

My condition is called PMDD, or Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder.  People think this stuff is made up.  I promise that it is real.  You can take that or leave it.  Here’s a link to super duper PMS.  The key part to the symptoms was the fact that I didn’t know I was that difficult to get along with.  It’s a bit like Jekyll and Hyde.  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/pmdd/AN01372

It’s not exactly fun to announce that our family needs meds of the psychotropic variety, but you know what?  It would be less fun to keep going like we had been and be miserable and have children who disliked us when they grew up or a very empty marriage.  These are all things that could have happened, and I think between counseling and medication (lots and lots of both), we have beaten the odds.  Part biology, part circumstance, this has been an amazing year, but we may have beat what maybe used to be what people called family curses.  Did you ever have a crazy uncle Harry in the family?  Might he have been less crazy if meds had been invented?  Maybe, maybe not.  Meds can’t always help.  Sometimes they do a great deal of harm.  There are plenty of horror stories along those lines.  That’s why you have to make a call, and a cost/benefit analysis.  Will it cause more harm doing what we’re doing, or is it worth the risk to try this route?  Only you can decide.  I wish it were easier to make that call, but it just isn’t.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention friends and prayer.  We prayed and prayed and we asked for guidance and found the best counselors out there.  We kept trying whenever we had a bad feeling about someone or something.  God has blessed us with friends who don’t judge and who keep right on helping or just saying they’ll help if we need it.  They know us and they still love us.  I wish everyone were so lucky.

Each family has to make their call.  The internet is full of sensationalism, but you have got to clear your mind.  You have to try something new if what you are doing isn’t working, and continues, year after year, to not work.  If a child cannot control himself and is always in trouble, how will his brain think?  It’s not good.  I’m so glad I took a chance.  I’m so glad we all did.  Once again, I was wrong to think I knew it all.

Next year, maybe I’ll learn something else new and mind-bending.  You just never know.

Links for dyslexia:  http://dyslexia.yale.edu/About_ShaywitzBios.html  Read Sally Shawitz’s book: Overcoming Dyslexia.  She’s not at all a fan of homeschooling, but I’ll overlook that in favor of her wonderful bios of older people and how they worked with their dyslexia, and her resources and explanations are beyond excellent.  Referred by our educational psychologist.

Links for ADHD:  http://russellbarkley.org/  Great stuff.  The best book of his might be the most work, but is something every parent should read at least for ideas:  9.Barkley, R. A., & Benton, C.  (1998). Your Defiant Child: 8 Steps to Better Behavior.  New York:  Guilford.  Referred by our child psychologist.



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